what if.

Night baths are the most scariest thing ever. My mind will start thinking abt all sorts of nonsense while bathing since i really cant do anything else.

Just as i was under the water just now, i thought how crazy my life have been.
If you knw me 5 yrs ago, u will nvr thought of me being ur shopaholic, bitch, fashion queen or bimbo girl. I can neither dress nor speak, i was just plain ordinary.
I think i've become someone that ppl esp guys can share thoughts with and i dont knw why. Is it there's a loophole in me that they see and i dont that's why they dont mind putting down abit of their pride in front of me and share heart/secrets. Or is it simply just a gift frm God?
Sometimes i hate it this way because its nvr good to know too much. Once i see thru someone, i will start backing out, build my defense wall and everything. So far, i only do that to bengs though.

I wonder who will i be 5 yrs, 10 yrs later. Will i still have this gift that build relationships deep down and hold ppl close? Will i still have the r/s i have now? Will i still be so in love with fashion & brands? Will i still be that girl that nvr crumble on the inside? Will i, will i.
And i wonder if anyone in my family ever regret telling me that im not pretty because now im the most beautiful of all my cousins.

I realised that i've planned my life so far away that i forget to plan the near. Work and money has been what i've been thinking of. I shld stop that for a moment and think abt uni & stuffs.
I still dont want to kiss my friends goodbye at the airport with tears rolling down my cheek but what if my results aint good enough & study at aussie could mean 1-2 yrs of exemption.
Tell me how.

Okok, whatever it is. Let me catch my beauty slp first.
My brain is bursting after thinking so much. I miss alot of people and times man.
Goodnight (: